A Good Fit

I’m still waiting for my outfit to arrive.
The others have theirs already.
All I have to do is wait, apparently.
Be patient, they say.
I hope it’s a good fit.
I’m not used to being bound by formal wear.
I prefer loose fitting.
It suits my form better.
More space to dream in.

They are just making the final adjustments, apparently.
The others have been going round all pleased.
As if their new attire feeds some inner fire.
A flame that burns through their fabric without scalding.
I always used to collect what they discarded

Like little secrets of how to be: Better.
More robust. A more noticeable belief.

I used to look forward to being given directions.
What to do with who or when I get there.

On occasion, I find that I can fit in better.
Like Im “real” for a while.
No lubricants needed.
But now I prefer instinct.

It took me a long time to realise my weight.
People tried to give me hints along the way.
Some people even tried to nurse me.
I felt it deep down. Patronising.
They could see I didn’t care somehow.
They put it down to slow development.

Now I prefer to balance knowledge with presence of mind.
To react to only what important happens.
And then I decide how to appear.

There was one person that I took my time with.
I still have a lot of patience.
I am a sort of silent mentor, I suppose.
What they are doing right now pleases me.
I hope they can keep it up.
Reality must be lonely.
The humanity of re-emergence.
A digression: I know.

It will be here any day now.
All the signs are pointing to it.
Meanwhile, I can keep myself occupied.
Running errands for the others.
I gave up on understanding a long time ago.
The beginning or the end of it is irrelevant.

Just how do they sew to suit?
Such an undefined-portion, I am.

I will never fit in.
No matter how well I am measured.
I like it that way.
Who needs royal garb anyway.
It is, only, for public display.
The occasional visit, or appearing to a special someone.
I try not to reflect.
I can mirror myself internally.
Not many people know that.

I take pride.
I can share the wisdom, if you know how to listen.